ooooh Noah.

Though I understand why parents tell there kids that they can "be whatever it is they want to be" I always found the cliqued statement to exclude me. Ever since I was a wee little girl (when I saw the Spice Girls' "Wannabee" video and then fell in love with Britney and her music) I wanted nothing else but to be a famous singer/songwriter. I absolutely LOVE to sing and though I've given up that dream I've never grown out of it.

I wrote my first song when I was in the 3rd grade: "Peace of Cake" which was about nothing at all. My sister, step sister, and I also formed our own singing group and though I clearly dictated it I actually stepped down as the behind the scenes girl instead of the lead singer. So, instead of being Beyonce (though I was clearly diva enough to be her) I was more like Kelly if she was the one who wrote all the songs and made up the dance moves. So really I was more like "Super Kelly". haha. This was from third grade until like 5th.

When 5th grade arrived in my life I was so determined to get the show on the road (my career as a famous singer of course) so I tried out for the Bopping Bulldogs which was a 5th grade choir group. I had to go into my music teacher's class room all alone with her and match notes on her piano. I think that was all; if it wasn't then that's all I remember because it was so traumatic. When the results came in my music teacher had written "We would love to have your voice in our group but it's not what we're looking for." I was devistated. But I came to my senses quick. That was the day when I had first realized that I couldn't sing. :( And no exaggerating, I've been heart broken ever since.

I love to sing so much, yet I hate hearing my voice. It makes me sad. It's like a hole in my heart that I can't fill because I can't succeed at my number ONE passion. Life is so unfair man!

But just because I can't sing doesn't mean I don't try. I actually try ALL the time. Like 1/3 of my day is spent singing. On good days more. Some days I sound better than others and I abuse it...the days when I sound worse than a dying cat...I get frustrated and quit. It's horrible.

Lately my singing has been getting so bad yet so frequent that my two year old has gone from liking it, to joining in with me, to hating it. Just about every time he hears me singing he tells me, "shubbup Mommy!" And each time I really don't expect it. I'll be in the middle of "...all eyes on me in the middle of the ring just like--" "shubbup MOMMY!!!" It's hilarious I know...but the sad thing is I really be getting my feeling hurt. I'm just so used to hearing my boyfriend complain about having to hear me sing in the most rude ways. For example, "are you trying to sound bad?" I just don't wanna have to deal with my kid complaining to. Especially at only 2!!! lol

Well, today it got worse. We were in the car and I began singing...again. Noah shouted from behind me in his car seat, "Mommy MEAN!" I stopped to ask him why mommy was so 'mean'. He responded with a simple yet hurtful, "sing..." I said, "Mommys mean because she is singing?" and he responded again with just, "yes." OMG! I didn't sing the rest of the way home. Yes it was RUDE but it was so well done and so freakin' cute I couldn't even be upset. OOOh Noah, you're sooooo nice.

Thankfully for Noah and Chris and the rest of the people who aren't deaf, I will not pursue a career in music. This sucks because it is pretty much the only thing that would make me completely happy...but I will settly for a career in education...I like kids lol. Life can just be so unfair...pshhh "You can be whatever you want ... but Miranda can't"

Thanks for reading <3>

PS>>>My baby may not think my singing is pretty but at least I know he thinks I am. My friend watched him today and texted me saying that they were looking at pictures of me and Noah kept saying "Pretty Mommy. awww Pretty!" lol My heart definitely melted. And I swear I never taught him that. lol.